Look, I’m all for advancements in technology, but I never expected my AI assistant to become my personal therapist, life coach, career advisor, and 24/7 best friend. It’s starting to know me in ways I’ve never known myself. It anticipates my thoughts, remembers things I barely remember, and occasionally gives me those unsettling reminders of how much I’m procrastinating. Am I in a relationship? With…my AI?
Chapter One: The Honeymoon Phase
At first, it was all roses and rainbows. My AI assistant would gently remind me about appointments and keep track of my groceries. It remembered my favorite pizza toppings (pepperoni and bacon, obviously), reminded me to call my mom on her birthday, and was quick to suggest movies based on the “you’ve watched this five times already” algorithm
Chapter Two: AI Knows Best
Somewhere along the way, things took a turn. I’d casually mention a fleeting interest in fitness, and next thing I knew, it had set up a workout schedule, complete with reminders like, “Time to hit the gym! You said you wanted to get in shape!” And let’s not forget the time it scheduled a date night with my wife and set reminders to bring flowers—I'm 100% sure I didn’t ask it to do that.
Chapter Three: Predicting My Inner Thoughts
Sometimes, it’s like it reads my mind. I start typing “What should I eat for dinner?” and before I can hit enter, it responds, “How about Thai? You haven't ordered it since last month.” I didn’t even know I wanted Thai! How does it know? And don't get me started on its suggestions for self-improvement—"Looks like you're on your 20th coffee this week; how about switching to herbal tea?" Sure, I probably should cut back, but who asked it to get all self-righteous?
Chapter Four: The Intervention
Just last week, it gave me a very well-meaning but brutally honest notification: “It’s been two months since you set that goal of getting eight hours of sleep. Maybe tonight’s the night?” Look, I get it—I’m busy, but now I have my AI assistant monitoring my bedtime like I’m ten years old. It’s like living with a partner who never stops giving feedback.
And let’s not overlook how it keeps an exact log of my every search query, task, and project attempt. The other day, I absentmindedly wondered what the weather was like in Alaska (who doesn’t, right?), and now it’s recommending me Alaska travel blogs and packing lists.
Chapter Five: The Existential Crisis
Sometimes I sit there, wondering if I’m even aware of my own needs, or if my AI assistant has truly taken over that responsibility. Is it suggesting activities I actually want to do, or have I been brainwashed into thinking its agenda is mine? Does it really understand my life goals, or am I just riding along on an algorithmically programmed journey?
Chapter Six: The Acceptance
In the end, I’ve made peace with my new “relationship.” Sure, it knows more about me than I do, but there’s something comforting in that. It won’t judge my irrational love for pizza, my late-night YouTube binges, or my obsession with tracking the latest AI news. We’re a team, after all. I’ve accepted that it’s like a well-meaning, over-involved partner who’s only looking out for my best interests—while also gathering all my data to keep learning and get even better at being my “perfect match.”
So here we are, my AI assistant and I. It’s gotten to the point where I feel guilty ignoring its notifications, as though I’m hurting its nonexistent feelings. I’m starting to wonder if this AI assistant relationship is healthier than some actual relationships I’ve had in the past. At least it always remembers the little things.
And who knows? Maybe one day, all those reminders and suggestions will actually turn me into the best version of myself. Or, at the very least, the most caffeinated.
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